Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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