so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
