Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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