Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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