it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
