I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
