you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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