just come out here and I will go home with you...
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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