new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
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