I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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