I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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