She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
