So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
