i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
