Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
