between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
