y did u give ur computer a hand job?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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