Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize