My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
this will be a night to untag.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
