We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I got inside last night via doggy door
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
