"it" just moved
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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