she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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