some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
