Already got asked if we're dating
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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