The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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