At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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