Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
