Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
