The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
