So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
