You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
