and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
