i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
