So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
