The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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