Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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