ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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