The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
