My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
