I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
someone get that fucking seahorse.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
