His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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