I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize