laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
