I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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