Umm I'm too high to move.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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