I looked at my own cervix.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I have feelings that need drinking.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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