dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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