dude i'm inner monologue high
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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