would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
