You're so nebulous sometimes
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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