A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
