you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
