I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
