she woke up with a sticky ear
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
