I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
