You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
