just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
