apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
