he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
