I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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