I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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