so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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