I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
