is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The uberlube is also flammable
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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