I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
