Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
