Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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