Can i not drive my cunt home
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
