the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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