S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize