Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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