Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
