weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
