i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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