Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
