They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
