If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
